Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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