there's paper in my vomit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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