ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
