I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
