There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
