Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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