Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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