I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
