Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
