I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
