so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm passing your future prison.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
