you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
