You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
