I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
