last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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