Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
