what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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