it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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