So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
