so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
