At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
