woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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