nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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