We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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