i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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