the new term for farting is butt boxing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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