I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
