hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
