He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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