i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
