connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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