Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
