I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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