when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
