I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
