I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
