I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
