I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
