Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
