these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
