Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
