I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
