whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
