I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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