Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
