the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
