I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
