Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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