She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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