p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
